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Men Who Can't Love: How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart | 
 enlarge | Authors: Steven Carter, Julia Sokol
Publisher: M. Evans& Co Inc
Category: Book
List Price: £11.99
Buy New: £5.80
You Save: £6.19 (52%)
New (24) Used (5) from £5.80
Rating:  8 reviews
Sales Rank: 16561
Media: Paperback
Edition: New Ed
Pages: 235
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 8 x 5.1 x 0.9
ISBN: 0871319993
Dewey Decimal Number: 306
EAN: 9780871319999
ASIN: 0871319993
Publication Date: November 1, 2003
Availability: Usually dispatched within 1-2 business days
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| Customer Reviews: Read 3 more reviews...
This book is spot-on September 25, 2007
Madam Butterfly (London)
4 out of 4 found this review helpful
This book really hits the spot! It was almost spooky reading the book as it so much mirrored my disastrous relationship with a commitment-phobic man (the same lines, the same excuses). Having read the reivews left by others, I can see that they also felt a real connection with the book. What I most liked about the book was the brilliant advice on "what you should do now" to get out of the no-win situation. It offers so much support when you feel like you're going mad. This has to be one of the best relationship books of all time.
I finally get it! December 8, 2006
Rita (UK)
8 out of 8 found this review helpful
I read this book after coming out of a relationship and the guy I was seeing literally leapt from the pages! The situation with him was no win, it started out great and in the end it wound up that everything was on his terms. I was struggling to understand how I'd ended up in this situation and I was frustrated and angry with myself for letting it happen. Nothing he did or said made sense, I felt like I was on some kind of merry-go-round and I couldn't get off. This book gave me a remarkable insight into what was going on. The book decribes many of the scenarios I was in, the typical female response, whats going on in his head and finally how you should react. I also realised that even though the way I was reacting was perfectly normal there are much more effective ways of dealing with this kind of behaviour. I think this book is a must as every woman has come across a man who behaviour is reflected here on some scale. If you want to understand how his head is working, this is the book to explain it and tells you exactly what you should do.
My Partner left me when the relationship was perfect..... October 24, 2006
S. Carpenter (Manchester England)
41 out of 41 found this review helpful
I thought I was going mad, that I was undesirable and felt completely rejected. Now I feel relieved, positive and have hope for my future relationships with men, after reading this book. This book is so easy to read and understand not to mention interesting, I read it in one sitting! When I met my ex, he was so NOT my type! He was serious, successful, older, and lived 200 miles away! I was not impressed or interested in his advances to begin with, for me there was no attraction....But his interest in ME changed my mind and perception. He was interested in ME, what I wanted from life, what I needed to be happy, it was abit different and felt nice that a man was interested in me for a change. We connected on an emotional level and I found it very attractive. We had a long distant relationship but it worked for us and was not an issue. The time we spent together was near perfect. He was loving, caring, honest, generous, attentive, understanding, the list goes on! But cracks started to appear. The usual apparent "commitmentphobic" signs. I thought this book was written about my relationship with him it was so true! I really thought I had done something wrong, that I may have upset him or that he didn't find me attractive anymore. Long silences, where he would withdraw from me and the silences were uncomfortable. Even though he was sat next to me, I felt so alone. It was all about "him" schedules, times, place we went to, he made every decision. A complete control freak. Moodiness, control, narcisism, comments about my appearance, being indecisive, making unclear statements, all signs he was withdrawing, and about to leave our relationship. The tip of the iceberg came after he had invited me to spend a week with his family on holiday, he even bought the airticket! Two weeks before, he called me and said he had second thoughts? It was a way to destroy my trust and hope, to sever his commitment, to communicate he was in complete control, what happened to my loving, perfect boyfriend? He was distant, focused, controlled, completely fearless...I ended it, I felt so angry and doubted everything he had ever done and said. But Distance is great attraction for men with commitment fears, so after two weeks without me, I got a letter. The usual, loves me, misses me etc, could we meet for a drink. Normally I would have responded or called to reconcile, but after reading this book I put the letter straight in the bin! If you are newly single, thought you had the perfect relationship and in a matter of hours it went from 1000 to 0, cannot understand what went wrong, think you are going mad, feel guilty that the relationship has gone pearshaped, rejected, to blame, insecure, shocked even..You were probably dating a Commitmentphobic, and you are not to blame! Commitmentphobic men follow a pattern. They woo you, the impulse so strong, they will do anything to capture your heart, when he is successful and the woman responds, he gets scared, negative thoughts and feelings, he feels suffocated, he needs to get out, so he leaves...And that - is the cycle. Until this man recognises he has a problem, every relationship he has will start and end the same way until he breaks the cycle. He thinks this woman is amazing until she responds with love than all of a sudden she is apparently - wrong for him! But it is HIS fear of commitment that is standing inbetween her and his thoughts! you cannot change this man, he can only change himself, with a therapist... Buy this book, gain insite into what went wrong and find a man who isn't afraid to love you. This book is amazing, some points in the book made me laugh because these men are extremists, their behaviour so unbelievable. I also felt some sadness, that a man will allow himself to be controlled by fear, to miss the opportunity of love because he is scared. I am totally impressed and it has helped me build a new, different chapter in my life, one that doesn't include a man, one of self discovery and finding happiness from within!
Men who can't love November 22, 2004
24 out of 26 found this review helpful
Great book which helps me as I am going through a break up with a person with such a problem+ low self esteem issues. I have made a mistake and entered into a relationship with a man whom I had known 1,5 year before we started being a couple and I had kown he had some issues. Always blaming other for failures of his life, complaining and never taking the blame.
He has been in two relationships before me , and the pattern is always the same - coming up with an excuse and blaming the other person in the relationship. The funny thing is that I have never asked him to commit, but as the book says- he convinced me that we could and should be togeher and that I am a perfect partner for him. Thankfully, he was coming to visit me and my family overseas and it was then when his phobia started to show.
Although he knew everything about me when enetring into the relationship it did not bother him, but started when he felt it is getting serious. His explanations did not make any sense to me.His mom was convinced he has that phobia nd of course I did not belive such a thing thinking that he hasnt met the right one yet...he is 37 years old....I have gone through a lot with him : his tears and his on/off behaviour made me so confused that I did not know what to do. I started reading and it turned that our relationsip was like a text book for commitment phobia.
I read the book and I do not feel guilty any more, for even if I had what he wanted he wouldnt have stayed.
He has wasted 10 years of his ex-gf beinf on and off with her, I devoted only a year of my life to him and knowing he will never change I am ready to move on.
Great book recommended to any woman.
Barbaa
This book is brilliant January 16, 2004
23 out of 23 found this review helpful
I read this book after a painful, rollercoaster of a relationship ended. The authors write very clearly about the various, sometimes inexplicable behaviours that these men adopt, lots of which I had experienced and never understood. After reading the book and realising that these were typical and actually not my fault after all, I stopped blaming myself and became very thankful that it had ended without me wasting any more of my life on this person who will probably never change. I cannot recommend this book too highly.
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