Men in Love

In contrast to Nancy Friday's book on women's fantasies My Secret Garden, I found this book less shocking in content, almost predictable in parts. This has a lot to do with being a fellow man; women may be shocked by how some of these men ‘love’ their women. The other remarkable thing is how much better written the stories are, I put this down to the contributions being entirely by letters rather than the mix of letters, interviews & taped chats that formed MSG, but I expect it also reflects the greater confidence that men had with their sexuality at the time. This even allowed an occasional erotic moment that I found absent from the women's contributions.

The psychoanalysis is handled far better than the earlier work, including input from some professionals, and gives an even-tempered, more objective study, in contrast to the often axe-grinding, ‘this-is-personal’ stance that flavoured My Secret Garden. Occasionally, Friday does lose the plot with the subjects she feels least comfortable with (sex with animals, BDSM), often starting on a fresh point of view before concluding the previous one. However, for the best part her analysis is clear & makes good reading.

There's a delicate and sweet finish on the sexual perceptions and fantasies from virgin men that gives a nice feelgood ending to the book. Definitely a book worth the time to read.


frank, honest, vital female reading   June 24, 2000
10 out of 13 found this review helpful

Nancy's compassionate and approachable interjections, on what may have been startling material for her, endear the book to both genders. As a male, I can attest to the honesty of the content of the letters which are uncomfortably truthful in places. I hope women take the honesty of the letters to heart, especially the sections Nancy herself was skeptical about (Starry eyed oedipus and Oral chapters). The first involving the conflicting emotions of the situations, the latter eloquently indicating our adoration in the face of female insecurity.


Erotic, exciting, eyeopening - to be shared amongst friends!   February 11, 2000
14 out of 16 found this review helpful

I have read all but Forbidden flowers in this series of books and this one is my favourite. I guess it's typically because it gives a more acurate account of what a man really feels about sex and how he would like it (even if he can't have it). A man might say he prefers My Secret Garden or Women on Top for similar reasons. I wasn't surprised at what I read, I was thoroughly excited at the honesty of the contributions. If you want to know more about how a man sees a woman (sexually) and it is something you could discuss or build upon; knowing the facts - this could save, improve or make many a relationship - you'd have fun trying non the less. I read and discuss this and Nancy's other books with a close and open minded male friend, and occassionally with my husband!


Intruiging, enlightening, engrossing.   August 7, 1999
9 out of 13 found this review helpful

Friday delivers an intelligent sexual thesis on the male psyche, explaining the sexual segregation that we subconsciously encounter from an early age. This segregation continues into adolescense, where some choose to revel in the disapproval of their sexual awakening (boys), while others believe that it is dirty and wrong to waver from mothers wishes (girls). Friday should be congratulated for her impartial objective stance throughout this book. The facts are unfazed and the fantasies are never condemned. As Friday explains, fantasy is not always a wish for reality.